HOW MANY MARYS 
HAVE WE HERE? 



-BY- 



LINDSEY BARBEE 



sj^l 




PRICE 35 CENTS 



Eldridge Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio 22^ Denver, Colo. 

944 So. Logan Streot 



^^ 



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Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Logan St. 



How Many Marys Have 
We Here? 



By LINDSEY BARBEE 



PRICE 35 CENTS 

Copyright, Eldridge Entertainment House, 1922 



PXJBLISHED BY 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 
Franklin, Ohio also Denver, Colo. 






Cast off Characters \^ 






>^ "S 



MISS WAVERLEY Athletic Instructor 

MADGE ) 

MARGERY ( Of Mac 

MAY ) 

PAULA } 

[ Of Wac 

JEAN ) 

MARY SMITH Captured by Mac 

MARY SMITH Captured by Wac 

SIDNEY ^ 

SAM > Supporters of Mac 

HAL ) 

BOB ) 

j)Qj^ \ Supporters of Wac 

MRS. WOOD The Chaperon 

Scene — A Junior High School 

Time — The present. 

Time of Playing — About 1% hours. 

ACT I. The opening dance of the school year. 

ACT II. A week-end party in the mountains. 
{The curtain is lowered for a moment during this 
act to indicate a passage of time.) 



0^^ 3G |@aji.o 63231 



f^9 



Story of the Play 

Two rival athletic clubs for girls, known respect- 
ively as the Macs and the Wacs, hear that an entering stu- 
dent by the namg of Mary Smith is of unusual athletic 
prowes.i, and, immediately, each side determines to win 
her. Mary Smith materializes and is at once asked to 
be a member of a house party for the Macs during the 
week-end, thus giving this club the first opportunity of 
pledging her. During the house party, the Macs discover 
that Mary Smith is not athletically inclined and has had 
no gymnasium training, that some mistake has been 
made; but in a subsequent scare, in which a bandit fig- 
ures conspicuously, she proves so capable and so clever 
in causing the downfall of the intruder, that, in an ec- 
stacy of delight, the girls pledge her, ignoring her lack 
of athletic training. 

The bandit proves to be a disguised supporter of the 
other club, the Wacs; and in the midst of the excitement 
the Wacs appear, introducing with great pride another 
Mary Smith, whom they have pledged. Consternation 
reigns; and as a fitting climax word conies that the real 
Mary Smith — the athletic wonder — has gone to another 
school. 

Synopsis 

ACT I. The Macs and the Wacs engage in a spir- 
ited search for the elusive Mary Smith. 

ACT II. A bandit — a pledging — and the two Mary 
Smiths help to bring about a startling climax. 

Characters and Costumes 

In the first act. Miss Waverley and all the girls wear 
pretty, simple evening gowns, and the boys plain dark 
suits. 

In the second act, MADGE, MARGERY, MARY and 
MAY appear in bloomers and middy blouses; PAULA 
and JEAN in coats and hats; MRS. WOOD in a plain 
dark gown. The boys wear rough outing clothes, with 
added accessories of mask, moustache, etc., for BOB. 



Properties 

ACT I. Lanterns, pennants, palms, two settees, a 
chair. Loving cup and fan for MISS WAVERLEY. Let- 
ter in envelope for SAM. 

ACT n. Two window seats, settee, large chair, ta- 
ble with lamp, magazines, etc. Navajo blankets, pillows, 
etc. Fireplace with simulated fire, curtains, rugs. Knit- 
ting and small knot of pink and blue ribbon for MADGE. 
Corn popper for MARGERY and MAY. Revolver for 
BOB. Letter for SAM. 



Stage Directions 

R. means right of stage; C, center; L., left; U. E., 
upper entrance; up-stage, away from footlights; down- 
stage, near footlights. The actor is supposed to be fac- 
ing the audience. 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 



ACT I. 

(Scene — One corner of the gymnasium of the Morey 
Junior High School is in gala attire. Colored lanterns 
are hung from the ceiling, gay pennants are everywhere. 
Betiveen the tivo ivindoivs at the back of the stage is a 
long settee; and on the farther side of each window is a 
mass of palms. On the left side of the stage, a central 
door leads to an outside hall; down left is a small settee; 
down right is a chair. And as this is but one end of the 
room, the right of the. stage goes on and on into the other 
part, tvhich one cannot see.) 

(To the sound of music the curtain rises; a gay lit- 
tle dance is in progress and the merry girls and boys> 
pass to and fro and into the other end of the room. As 
MISS WAVERLEY, the popular instructor in gymnas- 
ium ivork, makes her way through the ivhirling throng 
and stands at the extreme left of the stage, lifting /ie| 
hand for silence), the music ceases and the boys and girls 
crowd eagerly around her. In her hand she carries a sil- 
ver loving cup. As soon as there is perfect quiet she 
speaks.) 

Miss Waverley — Every new student at Morey Ju- 
nior High School is a guest of honor tonight. And be- 
cause we hope that you will all be very interested in our 
gymnasium work, we have chosen this time to present 
to the winning team the reward of merit, (She holds 
high the loving cup) which takes the form of a loving 
cup. (There is excited applause. When the noise dies 
down she continues.) One of our teams for girls is the 
Morey Athletic Club, commonly called Mac; the other is 
the Waverley Athletic Club, or Wac, for short; and if a 



How Many Marys Have We Heire? 



new girl is found to excel in gymnasium work, she will 
be urged to join one, or the other, or both! (She pauses 
and smiles.) And when both teams desire to pledge her, 
we say that she is being "rushed"; and — hard as it is — 
she must choose the one or the other. (Again pauses. 
There is an excited ivhisper.) This cup is awarded each 
year to the club having the greatest number of athletic 
points for the previous year; and tonight v/e take plea- 
sure in declaring the Macs victorious. (A storm of ap- 
plause — even whistles and cheers for MAC.) Will Madge 
Miller, president of Mac, come forward and receive the 
trophy ? 

(From the other end of the gymnasium, ivhich can- 
not be seen, MADGE enters^ very excited, very proud, 
and a hit flustered. Extending her hand, MISS WAVER- 
LEY draws the girl to her side and gives her the cup. 
There are cries of "Speech! Spe&ch!" MADGE glances 
timidly abmit her.) 

Madge — I am sure that every member cf Mac is 
very happy tonight over the winning of the cup. We have 
worked hard to make our points; we have tried to be 
fair and square; and whatever we have gained has been 
due to the help and the patience of Miss Waverley. (She 
turns to her instructor ivith a pretty little boiv. More 
applause. Again Miss Waverley holds up her hand.) 

Miss Waverley — There is punch waiting for us at 
the other end of the gymnasium. Shall we all toast the 
Macs? 

(Surrounded by her admirers, she is borne away, 
Madge escorted by her partner and proudly bearing the 
cup, moves slowly off; and finally only a belligerent look- 
ing youth remains, who proceeds to beckon to a smiling 
and dapper satellite of Madge, who is just leaving the 
room. The belligerent youth who answers to the name of 
Hal, greets the satellite, whom we\ may call Sidney, with 
a scowl.) 

Hal — Feeling pretty gay tonight, aren't you, Sid? 



Hoiv Many Marys Have We Here? 



Sidney — Why shouldn't I? I'm backing the win- 
ners, Hal. 

Hal — Winners by a mighty few points. 

Sidney — But winners just the same. 

Hal — Who cares for an old cup? 

Sidney — The ones who win it. 

Hal — Well, it needn't make the Macs so snippy. 

Sidney — Snippy? I'd call it peppy. {Suddenly) 
See here, Hal, you must have bet on the Wacs. 

Hal— Who says I did? 

Sidney — Nobody needs to say anything. That thun- 
dercloud scowl of yours is a dead give-away. 

Hal — It's my scowl. 

Sidney — Sure! Keep it. 

Hal — Maybe I shall — and maybe I sha'n't. 

Sidney — What do you mean by that? 

Hal — I'm not saying. 

Sidney — But you're hoping I'll ask you. Spit it out. 

Hal — {very wisely) Rushing season isn't over yet. 

Sidney — I know that as well as you. 

Hal — And you're backing a last year's team. 

Sidney — {airily) E-lu-ci-date! 

Hal — Well — just suppose that Wac gets all the good 
girls. 

Sidney — Why Wac instead of Mac? 

Hal — (lowering his voico impressively) Because 
Mac is a used-to-was. 

Sidney — {sharply) See here — I don't like your tone. 

Hal — {sneeringly) Truth hurts, doesn't it? 

Sidney — {ironically) Oh, were you speaking the 
truth? 

Hal — Of course, I didn't expect you to recognize it. 

Sidney — {vmmingly) Remember, /'w for Mac. 



Hoiv Many Marys Have We Here? 



Hal — Sure. And you ought to be pretty well in- 
formed about Mac. 

Sidney — I am. 

Hal — In that case, maybe you'll deny that the three 
big stars — the ones who made most of the points for 
Mac — moved on to high school. 

Sidney — {reluctantly) Well — ^yes — 

Hal — And that the cup was awarded for last year's 
record. 

Sidney — Of course, 

Hal — Well — last year's record isn't this year's rec- 
ord. 

Sidney — Even my feeble intelligence grasps that. 

Hal — And this year's cup happens to be awarded 
for last year's record. 

Sidney — All this is tommyrot. Mac isn't forced to 
depend upon those three girls who have left. 

Hal — Wa it — and — s ee. 

Sidney — Especially when every member is all 
pepped up over winning the cup. 

Hal — Pep doesn't take the place of muscles. 

Sidney — But muscles aren't much good without pep. 

Hal — {excitedly) Now, look here, Sid. You know 
as well as I that Madge can't make a basket — ^that Mar- 
gery loses her head — that May — 

Sidney — {with dignity) Stop right there, Hal. And 
trj'^ to remember that I'm for Mac. 

{Enter Madge, accompanied by Margery and May, 
all admiring the cup, which Madge carries. Hal and Sid- 
ney move to left of stage.) 

Madge — Who's talking about Mac? 

Hal — Your loyal henchman. 

May — {sarcastically) Oh, yes — the loyalty's fairly 
oozing, isn't it? 

Hal — Oh, come now, May — 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 



Margery — And you're just deliriously happy to see 
us with this cup — aren't you? 

Hal — No use being snippy about it, Margery. 

Margery — Snippy? (Laughs.) We're just teasing 
you, Hal. 

May — And we're not blaming you for being loyal to 
the Wacs — 

Madge — Any more than we're blaming Sid for being 
loyal to the Macs. 

Sidney — And, since the cup is ours, we can afford 
to be generous. 

Hal — "There's many a slip — " 

May — " 'Twixt the cup and the lip"? But we don't 
happen to be drinking from ours. 

Madge — Unless we choose to toast the Wacs, (Lifts 
cup to her lips.) Will you join us? 

Hal — Rather. This time next year, we'll be toast- 
ing the Macs. 

Sidney — Wait and see. Just — wait — and — see. 

Hal — You bet I will. (With a nod at the girls.) So 
long. (Exit — presumably to the other end of room.) 

Madge — Hal certainly hates to see us with this cup. 
(Crosses and seats herself at left.) 

Sidney — (at center) Not any more than I'd hate 
to see Wac with it. 

May — (with an approving pat on his shoulder) 
You're a good sort, Sid. (Seats herself by Madge.) 

Margery — (ivho has been gazing into space) I'm.—- 
afraid. 

Madge — Afraid? Afraid of what? 

Margery — Afraid — of losing out. 

Madge — (sharply) Losing out — on what? 

Margery — On the cup. 

Sidney — (standing by Margery) See here, Marg, 
that's no nervy way to talk. 



10 How Many Marys Have We Here? 

Margery — Of course it isn't — it's just practical. 
And unfortunately, I'm practical. 

May — What has being practical to do with the cup? 

Margery — Lots. 

Madge — For example? 

Margery — It makes me realize that — in emergen- 
cies — sometimes I lose my head. 

Sidney — Then — don't ! 

Margery — {quickly) So, you think so, too? 

Sidney — I didn't say so. 

Margery — But vour tone did. (Pauses.) Well — I 
do. 

May — And I'm not quick on my feet. 

Sidney — Speed up, then. 

May — Oh — so you think I'm slow. 

Sidney — I didn't say so. 

May — But you acted it. 

Sidney — I did 7iot. I — 

Madge — And I can't make baskets — I just can't — 
and I may as well own up to it. 

Sidney — You can make 'em if you practice. 

Madge — (aggrieved) Well, I never thought that 
you'd go back on me, Sid. I never did. 

Sidney — Who's going back on you? Great Scott! 
but you're all touchy. I'm just trying to help you — and — 

Margery — (dropping on chair) Of course you are 
and we must face the fact that our star members have 
left, and that what's done this year we've got to do. 

Sidney — That's the spirit. Keep it — and you'll win 
out. 

Madge — Oh, we must win out! (As she raises the 
cup high) We can't lose the cup. 

Sidney — And we're not going to lose it. (Dramat- 
ically waves his hand.) Swear it! 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 11 



Madge — (rising) I do swear it! And I 2i:ill learn 
to make my baskets — I will — I will! (Raises her hand.) 

May — (raising her hand) And I'll be as fleet of foot 
as — as — (hesitating) Who was it that was fleet of foot? 
(Rises.) 

Madge — Diana. 

Sidney — Artemis. 

Margery — (dryly) Diana and Artemis happen to 
be the same person, dear children. 

Sidney — What's that to us? 

Margery — (raising her hand) And I shall keep my 
head — keep it nailed tight — with gold spikes — 

Sidney — Brass tacks would be better. 

Margery — So that it will never again leave my 
shoulders. 

May— What'll yoic do, Sid? 

Sidney — Do? Root for you a little harder than ever. 

Margery — That will help. 

Madge — (entihusiastically) Let's say it all over 
again, (Excitedly) Baskets! 

May— Feet ! 

Margery — Head! (Rises.) 

Sidney — Pep ! 

Madge — Do we swear it? 

All — (rising) We swear! (They join uplifted 
hands.) 

(Enter Sam, hurriedly.) 

Sam — Hello, everybody! 

Margery — (as the circle breaks) Where have you 
been all evening? 

Sam — Just got here a few moments ago and haven't 
had a chance to see anybody. 

Madge — (flourishing the cup) Look! 

Sam — (shaking her hand) Pretty work! (Lowers 
voice as he taken envelope from pocket) I've news. 



12 How Many Marys Have We Here? 



May— News? Tell us. 

(They croivd around him. Hal tiptoes in, unseen,, 
and after regarding them a moment, hides behind palms, 
from ivhich he occasionally peeps during discussion.) 

Sam — I've a letter. (Takes it from envelope.) 

Margery — From whom? 

Sam — From Tom Tucker. 

Madge — Mac's former mascot. 

Sam— Mac's mascot still. 

Madge— Why still? 

Sam — Because he keeps on rushing and rooting for 
you. (Hunts wildly for particular paragraph.) Listen 
to this. (Reads.) "Here's some news that will interest 
the Macs — and if you're a good scout you'll help them 
out in it. A girl from here is entering Morey Junior 
High this fall. I don't know her myself, but they say 
she's a peach of a girl and a crackerjack athlete. Cham- 
pion tennis player, center on the basketball team, and up 
on all gym stunts. Mac must get her." (Pauses.) Now,, 
what do you think of that? 

Madge — Think? Why, we've got to have her — that's. 
all. 

Sidney — (whistling) Well, rather. 

May — And the Wacs must not hear of her. 

Madge — (seriously) You never did tell us her name. 

Sam — Sure enough — I didn't. Don't believe Tom 
mentioned it. (Looks through letter.) Oh, yes, here it 
is, in the postscript. 

Margery — (sarcastically) Postscript! And they say 
that only girls indulge in postscripts. (Sits in chair.) 

May — (impatiently) What's the name? 

Sam — (reading) Mary Smith. 

Madge — Mary Smith! That isn't very distinguish- 
ing. (Returns to settee.) 

May — Why, there might be a dozen Mary Sjniths, 
(FoUows Madge.) 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 13 

Sidney — According to Tom, she's the only one in 
existence. 

Margery — But how are we to find her? 

Madge — ^That's where the boys come in. 

Sam — Come in — how? 

Madge — {to Sam) Tom said that if you were a 
good scout you could help — you know he did. 

Sam — I'm not saying I won't — I'm asking you how. 

May — Well, it seems that two boys ought to know 
that without bothering us. 

Margery — And it isn't usually difficult for either of 
you to become acquainted with any girl. 

Sidney — {nudging Sam) Depends on the looks of 
her — eh, Sam? 

Sam — Tom says this one is a peach — and Tom's 
pretty keen on girls. 

Madge — You boys make me tired. 

May — And if you don't want to help, why just say 
SO. 

Sidney — Can't you keep cool and try to see a joke? 

Sam — We've stood by you all this time, and we're 
not very apt to back out now. 

Margery — {who has been in deep thought) I have 
it! 

Madge — Have what? 

Margery — An idea! 

May — You look excited enough to have nabbed Mary 
Smith. 

Margery — If you nab my idea, nabbing Mary Smith 
will come as a natural consequence. 

Madge — Then tell us — and tell us quick. 

Margery — Simplest thing in the world. Ask Miss 
Waverley. 

Sam— What has Miss Waverley to do with it? 
(Moves to Margery.) 



14 How Many Marys Have We Here? 

Margery — She has charge of registration — so, of 
course, she knows which one is Mary Smith. 

May — And she can introduce her. 

Margery — Exactly. 

Sam — Pretty work. I have the next dance with Miss 
Waverley, and I'll put it through. (Starts off.) 

Madge — But wait just a minute. 

Sam — ■ (turning) Wait — for what? 

Madge — For question number two. If we do meet 
her, how shall we keep her from the Wacs? 

May — They'll be wild to meet her. 

Margery — And they'll get her dates. 

May — And it will be a dreadful scramble between 
us. 

Margery — I have it — again. 

Sidney — This time what's coming? (Sits between 
windows.) 

Margery — The pledging of Mary Smith — that's 
what's coming. 

Madge — Oh, tell us — tell us — tell us! 

Margery — Simplest thing in the world. Ask her to 
the house party. 

May — The house party? 

Margery — My house party, that I'm having in the 
mountains over the week-end. 

Madge — But we've so little time. 

Margery — Plenty of time. If the boys will find her 
right away, we'll invite her tonight, whisk her away to- 
morrow morning, pledge her before Monday, and save 
her from the Wacs. 

Sam — Bully plan. We'll see it through — won't we, 
Sid? (Crosses to Sidney.) 

Sidney — You bet. Especially, since we'll both be at 
the nearby camp at the same time the Macs are having 
their house party. 



Hoiv Many Marys Have We Here? 15 



Sam — Hadn't thought of that. 

Madge — Oh, it does seem that everything is coming 
our way. 

Margery — Inckiding Mary Smith. 
(Music starts.) 

Madge — There! The dancing's begun again. I'll 
hurry back with the cup. (Rises.) 

Margery — And I'll go with you. (As the two girls 
hurry off, Margery turns.) Now — work fast, boys. 

Sidney — You bet we will. 

Sam — Wait a moment, Marg. (Exit with Marge(ry 
and Madge.) 

Sidney — Come along, May. This our dance. (They 
dance into other end of room.) 

(In a moment the stage is filled ivith gay couples, 
among them Paula and Don, Jean and Bob; and as these 
four circle around, the palms shake violently and a shrill, 
loiv whistle attracts their attention. Paida and Don stop 
abruptly.) 

Paula — Good gracious, Don! What was that? (Be- 
fore Don can answer, ivhistle is repeated.) It comes 
from there. (Points to palms. Cautiously Hal's head 
emerges.) Hal! 

Hal — Don't make a scene, Paula, Stand in front of 
me, you two, while I get out of this. 

(Paula and Don act as a screen until Hal emerges 
from his hiding place. Jean and Bob have joined the cir- 
cle, and the others have danced off stage.) 

Jean — What on earth are you doing here? 
HaLt — (importantly) Eavesdropping, Jean. 
Jean — But that isn't quite square, is it? 

Hal — Perfectly .square when you're listening to 
Macs. Isn't it. Bob? 

Bob — All's fair in love and — rushing season. 



16 How Many Marys Have We Here? 

Paula — {catching Hal's sleeve) Something's hap- 
pened. I just know it has. 

Hal — Something is about to happen. 

Jean — Tell us — tell us! 

Hal — Has any of you met a new girl by the name 
of Mary Smith? {Silence as each shakes head.) Well, 
she's here, and Tom Tucker has written the Macs about 
her; and she's a shark at everything in the athletic line. 

Paula — And, they've pledged her? 

Hal — Not much! The boys are hunting for her. 

Don — And it's up to us to do the same. That's 
what you're driving at, isn't it, Hal? 

Hal — Sure. 

JeaN: — {reflectively) Mary Smith! Oh, what a com- 
monplace name! We'll never find her. {Sits betiveen 
ivindoivs.) 

Paula — While if she had been Gwendolyn Vere de 
Vere, she would have bobbed up serenely without any ef- 
fort on our part. {Crosses to Jean.) 

Bob — If that isn't just like a girl. {Disgustedly.) 
Talking about a name when getting the owner of it is 
the only thing to be considered. 

Jean — But we thought you boys would attend to 
that. Surely, you'll do for us what Sid and Sam are do- 
ing for Mac. 

Don — {ferociously) We've never failed you yet, 
have we? 

Jean — You needn't be so touchy about it. 

Hal — But we're just a bit late, after all. Sam has 
this dance with Miss Waverley. 

Paula — What has Miss Waverley to do with it? 

Hal — She has charge of registration and will know 
just who Mary Smith is. 

Bob — Well, that doesn't bother me one bit. (Loft- 
ily.) I don't depend upon any faculty member for help. 

Don — Oh — don't you? What about exam time? 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 17 

Bob — Don't be a chump, Don. 

Don — No — only a detective. Let's start now and 
never stop until Mary Smith is captured. 

Hal — But I'm not through with my story. 
Bob — Hurry up, then. 

Hal — Margery is having a house party for the Macs 
over the week-end. 

Jean — Oh, we know all about it. 

Hai., — And unless you're pretty smart and pretty 
quick, Mary Smith will be asked to the house party and 
will be pledged before she gets back on Monday morning. 

Jean — Oh-h-h ! 

Hal — That's a little bit more discouraging, isn't it? 

Paula — Nothing is ever so serious that it discour- 
ages Wac. 

Don— That's the spirit. 

Bob — (as the rmisic dies away) There! The dance 
is over. Let's scatter. 

Don — Better still, let's barricade Mary Smith. 
(Starts off with Paula.) 

Jean — But, Don — 

Don — {turning) Yes? 

Jean — We'll want to hear what luck you boys have. 

Bob — And naturally you'll want to be introduced to 
Mary Smith. 

Hal — Then, why not meet in the domestic science 
room in about an hour? 

Bob — Fine! (as he and Jean rush off) To the vic- 
tor belongs the spoils. 

Paula — Think of any spoils being called Mary 
Smith. (Sighs.) Now, if it had been Gwendolyn— 

Don — (taking her arm) What's in a name?— as 
our old friend. Bill Shakespeare, says. (As Sam and 
Miss Waverley enter.) Fine speech, Miss Waverley. 

Miss W. — It's good of you to say so, Don (laughing- 
ly) especially since it was made to a Mac. 



18 How Many Marys Have We Here? 

Don — Oh, we're generous-minded. And, even if the 
Macs have the cup, the Wacs have your name — and Wav- 
erley's a pretty good old name. 

Miss W. — I'm rather fond of it, myself. {Waves to 
disappearing Don and Paula.) 

Sam — I shouldn't wonder if you were partial to 
Wac, Miss Waverley. It wouldn't be strange, since it is 
named after you. 

Miss W. — Oh, I appreciate my name being used, of 
course; but I try not to be partial to anyone, Sam. In my 
work it wouldn't do. 

Sam — Of course not. (Guides her to settee doion 
left.) Won't you sit down for a moment? 

Miss W. — With pleasure. (Fans herself.) You 
dance as vigorously as you play football, Sam. 

Sam — {grinning) Then we've been going some. 
Here — let me do that. {Takes fan.) 

Miss W. — Such a nice-looking entering class — don't 
you think so? 

Sam — Bully! {Pauses.) I suppose you know just 
who is who. 

Miss W. — How do you mean? 

Sam — Well — you know just — everybody. 

Miss — Oh, dear me, no. I haven't had a chance as 
yet to get acquainted. 

Sam — Pretty good at remembering names, aren't 
you? 

Miss W. — Oh — not particularly. 

Sam — (after aivkward pause) Lots of girls are 
named Mary. 

Miss W.— Oh, yes. 

Sam — Funny little name, isn't it? 

Miss W. — Not to me. I like it. 

Sam — (again pausing) Ever hear of a Mary Smith? 

Miss W. — Rather. She was my roommate at col- 
legs. 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 19 

Sam — I don't mean so far back as all that. 

Miss W. — Far back! Oh, Sam — I haven't been out 
of college that long. 

Sam — Great Scott, Miss Waverley, I never thought 
of such a thing. I just imagined that (hesitating) maybe 
— lately — you'd run across the name. 

Miss W. — (thoughtfully) I wonder. 

Sam — (eagerly) Perhaps in registering the new 
class. 

Miss W. — But I haven't registered them. 

Sam— What ! 

Miss W. — ^Not this year. (Noting his crestfallen ex- 
pression) Why, Sam, you look as if I struck you a mor- 
tal blow. 

Sam — (forcing a smile) Not quite that. But I was 
hoping that you could help me out. 

Miss W. — Perhaps I can. 

Sam — Well — ( hesitates. ) 

Miss W. — I'm wondering if my helping out has any- 
thing to do with Mary Smith. 

Sam — It certainly has. 

Miss W. — And if Mary Smith happens to be some- 
one in the entering class whom you particularly desire 
to meet. 

Sam — Why, how did you ever guess it? 

Miss W. — Even with advancing age, Sam, a few 
faculties have been spared me. 

Sam — Come, now. Miss Waverley — and stop your 
kidding. Tell me — which one is Mary Smith. 

Miss W. — I didn't say that I knew Marj- Smith. 

Sam — But you said that you'd help me out. 

Miss W. — Of course I did. And, even if I don't 
know Mary Smith, I think I can point her out. 

Sam — (excitedly) Where? Where? 



20 How Many Marys Have We Here? 



Miss W. — Do you see the girl — third from the left 
! — with the ruffled dress — the pink sash — 
Sam — And the smily eyes? 

Miss W.— Exactly. Well, somebody told me that her 
name is Mary Smith. 

Sam — (reflectively) She is one peach, isn't she, Miss 
Waverley ? 

Miss W. — She is, indeed. (Pause.) And, now that 
you have discovered her, what do you intend to do? 

Sam — Get acquainted, of course. (Rises.) Lead 
me to her. (Miss Waverley laughingly rises and then 
suddeyihj clutches Sam's arm.) 

Miss W.— Look ! You're too late ! 

Sam — Some — other — fellow. (Pauses.) Why, it's 
old Sid. (T7'.rns.) That's all right. Miss Waverley— 
that's all right. 

Miss W. — Now, if I were Sherlock Holmes, I'd say 
that this mysterious Mary Smith had something to do 
with Mac. 

Sam — (laughing) What makes you think that? 
(Music starts.) The next dance — 

Miss W. — Then take me to Bob. He's my partner. 
(Thoughtfidhj.) I wonder if he'll ask me about Mary 
Smith. 

Sam — (as they leave the room) I wonder, too. 

(For a moment the stage is clear, then Sidney, smil- 
ingly attentive, enters with Mary Smith. Mary is im- 
pressed with her cavalier.) 

Sidney — Do you mind sitting out this dance? 
Mary— Not a bit. 

Sidney — A fellow can't get half acquainted on a 
crowded floor. 

Mary — (archly) Neither can a girl. 

Sidney— And, someway or other, I want to get ac- 
quainted with you. 



Holo Many Ma rys Have We Here? 21 

Mary — You'll have all year to do it, won't you? 

Sidney — No time like the present to begin. 

Mary — Suits me. 

Sidney — (indicating settee between windows) Shall 
we sit here? 

Mary — It's quite pleasant. {They seat themselves.) 

Sidney — And we can't be seen so plainly. 

Mary^ — Why shouldn't we be seen plainly? 

Sidney — For the simple reason that every fellow on 
the floor would be after my partner. 

Mary — Well, I haven't noticed any particular rush 
in my direction. 

Sidney — Then you've kept out of sight. 

Mary — On the contrary, I've been very much in ev- 
idence. 

Sidney — You're a stranger in the city, aren't you? 

Mary— Why — how did you know? 

Sidney — {in confusion) Oh — why — I just heard it. 
Little bird, you know. 

Mary — The little bird must have been right on the 
job. For I've been here just three days. 

Sidney — But you're here — that's the point. 

Mary — And I'm here to stay. 

Sidney — Know many people ? 

Mary — Just a few. 

Sidney — Met any of the Macs ? 

Mary — The Macs? Oh — they're the girls who won 
the cup. 

Sidney — You bet. Finest girls in the world. 

Mary — The Wacs are nice, too — aren't they? 

Sidney — Yes — they're nice — but — 

Mary — But— what? 

Sidney— Did I say "but"? That's funny. 

Maky— {looking to the right) That's a pretty girl 
out therQ. 



22 Hoiv Many Marys Have We Here? 

Sidney — That's a Mac — and she's coming this way. 
(Raises his voice.) Oh, Madge! (Rises.) 

(Enter Madge, followed by Sam.) 

Madge — Coming. 

Sidney — I want you to meet Mary Smith. (To 
Mary.) This is Madge Miller, president of Mac. (Mary 
rises.) 

Madge — And, oh — so pleased to know you. You see 
we've heard so much about you. 

Mary — But I've been here only three days. 

Madge — Then all your fame has preceded you. 

Mary — (bewildered) My fame'! I don't understand. 

Sam — See here — can't I be introduced? 

Madge — How stupid of me. This is Sam Stuart, 
Mary. He's really very nice. 

Mary — (softly) I'm sure he is. 

Sam — And I'm wondering if you'll let me take you 
home tonight. 

Mary — (even more bewildered) Why — why, my 
brother's coming for me. 

Sam — We'll telephone him. 

Mary — And I'm sure that mother would not approve 
when I don't know you. 

Sam — (eagerly) But you're going to know me. 

Mary — That isn't quite the same, is it? 

Sam — Then we'll all go home in my car. 

Mary — Oh, that will be lovely! 

(Madge beckons wildly. May and Margery answef 
the signal.) 

Madge — Two more of the Macs, Mary: May Mor- 
gan and Margery Moore. 

Mary — (as the girls greet her effusively.) Oh, ev- 
erybody is so nice to me. Are you always this kind to 
strangers ? 

May — My dear, I've heard so much about you. 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 23 

Mary — {again bewildered) But hoio have you heard 
about me? I just came. 

Margery — I don't intend to rely upon any old school 
affair to get acquainted with you. Won't you be a mem- 
ber of the house party I'm having over the week-end? 

Mary — Really — I don't know what to say. You take 
my breath away. 

May — (coaxingly) Say yes. 

Sam — Oh, come, now — do. We boys are at a nearby 
camp, and it will be jolly fun. 

Margery — My mother will see your mother about 
it, and my sister is to chaperon — and — oh, say you'll 
come. 

Mary — I'd love it — I'd just love it. 

Sidney — Hooray ! 

Sam — Now, let's see. You and your brother will go 
bome in my car with some of the rest of us; and tomor- 
row, early, the girls will come for you — and — (half to 
himself) that won't leave you alone a moment. 

Mary — Why, you talk as if I were being guarded. 

Madge — (slipping arm through Mary's) Guarded! 
Nonsense! {Madge and Mary, stroll to other end of room, 
folloived by others.) 

{Enter almost immediately, Don, accompanied by an 
attractive partner, Mary the Second.) 

Don — Do you mind sitting out this dance? {Guides 
her to settee at left.) 

Mary second — Not a bit. 

Don — Seems so much more friendly-like than whiz- 
zing round the room. {They seat themselves.) 

Mary Second — How very nice for you to ask for the 
dance. Someone had just spoken my name — Mary Smith 
— and — 

Don — I whirled aroand and asked you. 

Mary Second — What made you do it? 

Don — Maybe I like the name, Mary. 



24 How Many Marys Have We Here? 

Mary Second — It's a- very everyday name. 
Don — And, maybe I want to show a stranger a good 
time. 

Mary Second — (quickly) How do you know I'm a 
stranger? 

Don — (embarrassed) Well — oh, I just guessed it. 
Mary — Do I look as lonesome as all that? 
Don — Are you lonesome? 
Mary Second — Frightfully. 
Don — Have you met the Wacs? 
Mary Second — The athletic club, you mean? (As 
he nods.) No, I haven't. 

Don — Wouldn't you like to meet them? 
Mary Second — Oh, yes. 
Don — They're the finest girls in the world. 
Mary Second — The Macs are nice, too, aren't they? 
Don — Oh, yes — but — 

Mary Second — What do you mean by "but"? 
Don — Nothing at all. (Suddenly) There are two of 
the Wacs, now. (Mary folloivs his gaze.) 
Mary Second — They're coming here. 
Don — Of course they are. They want to meet you. 
Mary Second — Oh, how lovely of them! 
Don — (rising) Girls! 

(Enter Panla and Jean, followed by Bob and Hal.) 
Paula — Yes, Don. 
Don — This is Mary Smith. 

(Mary Second rises. The girls and boys stand at 
center. Sinniltaneously Paiila and Jean clasp each oth- 
er's hands in delight and triumph.) 

Paula and JeaNt— Ah-h-h! 

(As curtain falls they rush toward the astonished 
Mary Second.) 

. ... CURTAIN 



Holu Many Marys Have We Here? 25 

ACT II. 

(The curtain rises upon the living room of a moun- 
tain cabin. Betiveen the curtained windows is a rough 
stone fireplace and tinder the windows are seats covered 
ivith gay Navajo blankets and pillows. A rustic chair 
and table unth lamp and magazines are down the left. 
On either side of the rustic settee on the right is a door, 
thei one at upper right leading into a closet and the one 
at loiver right leading into the other part of the house. 
Bright rugs cover the floor and at the left center is a 
door ichich leads outside. Before the open fire, Margery 
and May are popping corn, tvhile Madge, on the seat at 
right of fireplace is knitting a gay-colored sweater. Mrs. 
Wood, by the table is lighting the lamp, while at the open 
door at left, Sidney and Mary are standing.) 

Sidney — Sure there's nothing else to do, Mrs. 
Wood? 

Mrs. Wood — Perfectly sure. You've been a great 
help, Sidney. Indeed, I don't know what we should have 
done without you. 

Sidney — (importantly) A man is rather necessary 
around a mountain home. 

Mrs. W.— So I'm finding out. If Mr. Wood hadn't 
been called away at the last moment, we shouldn't have 
made you such a beast of burden. 

Sidney — I've liked it — I really have. 

Mrs. W. — It's good of you to say so. 

Margery — And we're awfully obliged to you for 
helping with the dishes. 

May — And bringing in the wood. 

Madge — And building the fire. 

Mary — And showing me the wild flowers. (Enthus- 
iastically) Oh, I love it here — I just love it. 

Sidney — Isn't it lucky that our camping place is so 
near? 

Mrs. W. — Lucky for us. How many are in camp?; 
(Sits by table.) 



26 Hoiv Many Marys Have We Here? 

Sidney — About a dozen. 

Madge — Any Wac followers? 

Sidney — Sure. (Grins.) We forget all our differ- 
ences when we're away from you girls. 

May — When does Sam come? 

Sidney — In the morning. 

Margery — Then we'll see you both tomorrow? 

Sidney — You bet. (Pauses.) Well, I'm off. If any- 
thing happens run up the red flag and we'll come to the 
rescue. 

Mary — If anything happens? Why — what do you 
mean? 

Madge — Bandits, Mary — big, bold bandits. 

Margery — And bears — growly, snoopy bears. 

May — And Injuns — heap, big Injuns. 

Sidney — Look at Mary's eyes. She's expecting ban- 
dits, bears and Injuns all at once. 

Madge — Remember that this is her first ifitroduction 
to the wild and woolly west. 

May — An initiation, we might call it. 

Margery — With every sort of an attraction. 

Mrs. W. — You don't really believe all that nonsense, 
do you, Mary? 

Mary — Well — not exactly — but — 

Mrs. W. — Bandits are out of style; bears have dis- 
appeared; and Injuns are found only in story books. 

Mary — But everything seems just like a story book 
to me. It's all so wonderful. 

Sidney — Well, this time I am off. (Gay chorus of 
goodbyes; he slams door behind him.) 

Mrs. W. — Sit by this lamp, Madge. You can't see 
so far off from the light. (Rises.) 

Madge — But you'll want to read. 

Mrs. W. — Not at present. There are many things 
to be done before bed time, so I must be about them. 



Hoiv Many Marys Have We Here? 27 

t — — -• 

(Madge comes to chair.) 

Mary — Let me help. 

Mrs. W. — But you are the guest of honor, my dear. 

Mary — Oh, no — not that. 

Margery — Yes, you are. 

Mary — Then, as guest of honor I should be allowed 
to do just what I most wish to do. 

May — Of course. 

Mary — Well — what I wish to do is — to help. 

Mrs. W. — '(who has crossed to lower door right) 
Then you shall. (Holds out her hand.) Come along. 
(Exeunt Mrs. W. and Mary.) 

(Immediately Margery and May drop the corn pop- 
per and rush across to Madge, sitting on the floor by thd 
chair. ) 

Margery — Madge — it's awful ! 

Madge — Awful? It's worse than that. (Lays knit- 
ting on table.) 

May — What on earth are we to do? 

Margery — Did you hear her say that she had never 
played tennis? 

Madge — ig loaning) Oh — didn't I? 

May — And that basket ball was too rough? 

Margery — (savagely) Rather. 

Madge — And that she didn't know a thing about 
gym work? 

May — I almost collapsed. 

Margery — Champion tennis player, indeed! 

May — Center on the basket ball team! Ugh! 

Madge — And up on all gym stunts. 

(Silence for a few moments.) 

Margery — We certainly have been stung. 

Madge — Horribly stung. 

May — The wrong Mary Smith! Wouldn't people 
howl? 



28 How Many Marys Have We Here? 

Margery — And wouldn't we die of mortification? 

Madge — {hesitating) Could we pledge her — in 
spite of it all? 

May — When she's never been in a gymnasium? 

Margery — And when we're trying to keep the cup? 

Madge — She's such a dear. 

Margery — And she would learn. 

May — And anyone who dances so beautifully could 
soon do other things. 

Margery — She never loses her head. 

Madge — And she could make baskets as well as I. 

May — {sighing) And she's so light on her feet! 

Margery — Then — shall we do it? 

Madge — It's an awful risk, of course. 

May — And what would the other Macs say? 

Madge — Remember that they left everything to our 
discretion. 

May — But they might not regard such a stunt as — 
discretion. 

Margery — Anything is better than being laughed 
at. 

{Enter Mary.) 

Mary — It's beginning to rain. 

Madge— Really? 

Mary — Really. The old mountain is frowning at us 
dreadfully. 

{Clap of thunder and howling of ivind.) 

May — {shuddering) I hate thunder and lightning. 

Mary — I just love it. {Perches on the arm of 
Madge's chair.) 

Margery — -And the wind gives me the creeps. 

Mary — It's just the night for a ghost story. Hasn't 
this house ever had a ghost, Margery? 

Margery — Never. Disgusting, isn't it? 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 29 

Mary — Maybe it's too scared of all you athletic 
stars. Even ghosts don't like to be pummelled. 

Madge — (suddenly) Haven't you ever had any gym 
work, Mary? 

Mary — No. (Just as suddenly) Oh, yes, I have. 
Like this — one, two, three, four — (goes through siyyiple 
calisthenics) That what you mean? 

Madge — Not exactly. 

Mary — But I'm going in for it, now. After being 
with all you people who know so much I want to learn. 
(Sits between May and Margery on the floor.) As it is, 
I'm a misfit. 

Margery — You couldn't be a misfit, Mary. 

Mary — But I am. I was thinking only a moment 
ago that you Macs should have invited somebody else on 
this house party — somebody who shone in gym work — 
who could be asked to join. 

(Silence. Mary looks at each in surpnse, then she 
seems to understand.) 

Mary — Oh — oh! I begin to see. You thought I 
was something I'm not — that I was worth rushing and 
pledging — and — 

May — Now, Mary — 

Mary — And now that you've found out how hopeless 
I am, you're dreadfully disappointed. Of course you 
would be disappointed. 

Madge — Mary ! 

Mary — I'm sorry — ever so sorry — but it really isn't 
my fault. 

Margery — Listen, Mary, listen — 

May — For we have our side of the story and we may 
as well tell you everything. 

Madge — (after a pause) We did hear of a Mary 
Smith who is a wonder in athletics, and we did think you 
were that Mary Smith. 

Mary — And you've been nice to her — not to me — 



30 Hoiv Many Marys Have We Here? 

May — Don't put it that way. 

Margery — Because now that we've had you instead 
of her, we wouldn't trade, even if she had a hundred gym 
stars after her name. 

Mary — Do you really mean that? 

Madge — We really do. That's why we're asking you 
to pledge, just the same. 

Mary — Even when I've never been the least bit ath- 
letic? 

Madge — Of course. For we expect you to work up 
in all the gym stunts — and we know you can do it. 

Mary— But, if I shouldn't? 
■ May — But you will. 

Mary — And if I should keep you from winning the 
cup again. 

Margery — But you won't. 

Mary — {after a moment's reflection) No, girls, I 
haven't the nerve to do it. If I had done something really 
worth while — something which showed that I had it in 
me to be a credit to you, I'd say yes. But until I prove 
myself — (shakes her head) No. (Rises.) 

Margery — Please, Mary. 

Mary — iat center) No — I won't change my mind. 
(Pauses.) But, if I gain my points when gym classes be- 
gin — and if you still want me — why — why — I'd love to 
join. 

Madge — Mary, dear, we want you now. (Holds out 
her hands.) 

May — And for us the other Mary Smith doesn't ex- 
ist. 

Mary — (sitting on Madge's chair) The other Mary 
Smith! Isn't it all funny? (Begins to laugh.) 

Margery — And a joke on us? (Begins to laugh.) 

May — Think of the way we kidnaped you — 

Madge — And how we thought we had stolen a march 
on the Wacs. 



Hoiv Many Marys Have We Here? 31 



{They look at one another, burst into laughter. As 
laughter dies away there is the slam of a heavy door.) 

May — (startled) Where was that? (Rises and 
crosses to center.) 

Margery — In the other part of the house, I think. 
It may — 

(Enter Mrs. W., interrupting.) 

Mrs. W. — Did anyone go outside? 

Margery — Why — no. 

Mrs. W. — I heard a door slam. 

Margery — But we thought you had slammed it. 
(Rises.) 

Mrs. W. — Not at all. (Pause.) I wonder where it 
could have been. (Exit.) 

Mary — Maybe there is a ghost, after all. Haven't 
you an underground passage, Margery — or a secret 
closet? 

Margery — Will that one do? (Points to upper door 
on the right.) 

(Mary crosses and tries the door.) 

Mary — It's locked. 

Margery — The key's in the door. Open it (Joins 
May on settee.) 

Mary — (as she opens the door and looks in) Oh, 
what a beautiful big one! It's more like a little room 
than a closet. 

Margery — We keep jellies and jams and various 
other treasures in it. 

Mary — And there's a little window 'way at the top. 

Margery — For ventilation. 

Mary — Well, there's nothing spooky about that. 
{Closes door and locks it.) 

(Into the silence come three distinct taps.) 

MADG&— What's that? 

May — Somebody's outside. 



Hotv Many Marys Have We Here? 



Margery — It isn't just the sort of a knock that a 
visitor would give. 

{Taps are repeated — short, staccato, and at regular 
intervals. Mrs. Wood comes to the door.) 

Mrs. W. — Who's knocking? 

Margery — It isn't a regular knock — it's different. 

Mary — Shall I open the door? 

Mrs. W. — No — better not. Lower the blinds, Mar- 
gery. {Margery obeys hesitatingly.) 

May — It's all very strange. 

{As she speaks, a hollow, sepulchral groan is heard. 
The girls stifle their shrieks.) 

Mrs. W. — Don't be foolish, girls. {Tries to hide her 
nervousness.) It sounds like some animal in pain. 

Mary — Then we should find it. {Starts to door.) 

Mrs. W. — Don't, Mary. Remember that we have no 
man with us and that we must run no risk. 

Mary — But, Mrs. Wood, suppose that somebody is 
really hurt; that — {Again the long, drawn-out cry.) 
There it is again ! 

{All, with the exception of Mary and Mrs. W., have 
croivded together at right. Mrs. W. stands irresolute at 
center; Mary has her hand on knob of outer door.) 

Mrs. W. — I don't feel that it is safe to open the 
door — and yet, it seems very inhuman not to notice any 
such appeal. 

May — Bolt the door, Mary — and come away. 

{Thump! A bloiv on the door; another. Before the 
key can he turned or bolt slipped, door flies open and a 
figure appears; rain-soaked slouch hat pidled low over 
the forehead, a black mask almost covering the face; a 
sivee'ping mustache adds fierceness to his appearance, 
and a murderous looking pistol is leveled. "Hands up!" 
cries the bandit and the frightened girls obey without a 
ivord. Mrs. W. indignantly advances a step.) 

Mrs. W. — How dare you — how — 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 33 

Bandit — Hands up! (Mrs. W. obeys.) 

{Mary darts towa/rd door, hut the bandit is quicker,. 

"Hands up!" He stands with back against door, one 

hand holding pistol, while with the other he locks door. 

Mary stavtps her foot angrily and moves defiantly to the 

center.) 

Mary — I won't hold up my hands. (Lowers hands.) 
Now, what are you going to do about it? 

Mrs. W. — (in tvarning) Mary — Mary — be careful. 

Mary — Put down your hands — all of you. (As they 
hesitate) Just try it — he can't do a thing. (Girls lower 
their hands.) Now, can you? (Turns to bandit.) 

Bandit — Oh, can't I? (But he makes no move.) 

Mary — But what's the use? Hands up or hands 
down, you know you can get whatever you came for. 
(Pause.) What do you want, anyway? 

Bandit — What does a bandit usually want? 

Mary — I really don't know. You see, I've never be- 
fore talked to one. 

(Bandit seems disorganized. He moves uncertainly 
to right and flings open lower door.) 

Mary — (cordially) Walk right in. Everything's 
waiting for you. 

Bandit — See here, young lady — 

Mary — The jewels are under our pillows — and the 
money is — (catches her breath as if saving herself from 
revealing a secret) Oh — Oh! 

Bandit — Is — where ? 

Mary — Is — just where we put it. 

(Bandit strides to fireplace. As if to protect them, 
Mrs. W. hurries to girls, and Margery crosses to Mary.) 

Margery — Something must be done, Mary. Think 
of some plan — quickly — quickly. 

Mary — I am thinking of a plan, right now. Follow 
my lead, and don't be surprised at anything I may say 
or — 



34 Hoxo Many Marys Have We Here? 

Margery — {as bandit comes toward them) Hush — 
he's coming. 

Mary — {in a tone intended for him to hear) Don't 
let him go near the closet, Margery. 

Bandit — {quickly) What's that? 

Mary — {as she crosses to closet) Oh — nothing. 

Bandit — Something about a closet. 

Margery — Nonsense ! 

Mary — Why should anyone mention a closet? {With 
her back to closet she locks the door and keeps the key.) 

Bandit — ^That's just what I intend to find out. {He 
goes to Mary.) Stand aside. {She obeys. He tries the 
knob.) It's locked. 

Mary— What of it? 

Bandit — Perhaps you'll unlock it. 

Mary — Without a key? 

Bandit — You have the key. 

Mary — What makes you think so? {Key falls from 
her hands.) 

Bandit — That. {Dives for the key.) 
{Mary is too quick. Regains key. Defiantly stands 
before the door.) 

Mary — Please don't ask to see inside — please don't! 

Bandit — Open the door. 

Mary — I can't — I just can't. 

Bandit — Open the door. {Comes closer and raises 
the pistol.) 

Mary — Don't — don't! 

Bandit — I sha'n't hurt you. 

Mary — Then put down that pistol, {hi an agony of 
fear.) If you'll put it down I'll open the door. 

Bandit — {impatiently) But I won't hurt you. 

Mary — Put it down and I'll open the door. Oh, 
please put it down. 



Hoic Many Marys Have We Here? 35 

Bandit — (placing pistol on floor) Now. Open the 
door. 

(Mary turns, places key in lock and throivs open the 
door. Overpoivered ivith curiosity, the bandit steps in.) 
Mary — Oh, please don't look into the corner. 

(Bandit delibarately goes a step farther. Just as 
deliberately , Mary gives him a little push, slams door, 
locks it, catches up the pistol and stands guard.) 

Mrs. W.— Mary! 

Mary — Didn't my little scheme work out all right? 

Madge — You mean that — 

Mary — I intended him to do just what he did? Ex- 
actly. (Laughs.) Boys have just as much curiosity as 
girls; and when I pretended that there was really some- 
thing in that closet, he — 

(Bandit pounds and kicks upon door and accom- 
panies the noise tvith frequent cries of "Let me out! Let 
me out!" At the first lull in the tumult, Mary puts her 
tnouth to the keyhole.) 

Mary — Make yourself quite at home. There are jel- 
lies and jams on the shelf, and in the morning we'll throw 
some hot coffee in the window. 

(Again the interruption of the enraged prisoner.) 

May — How did you ever dare to do it, Mary ? A real 
bandit, and— 

Mary — Real bandit, nothing! 

Margery — What do you mean? 

Mary — Do you think a real bandit would do a silly 
thing like that? Or that he'd let go of his revolver? Or 
■ — (hesitates.) 

May — Or what? 

Mary — That I would have dared to talk to him as I 
did? 

Mrs. W. — But, how do you know? 

Mary — I just know — that's all. 



36 How Many Marys Have We Her&? 

Mrs. W. — Do you suppose he has been trying to 
frighten us with the tapping and groaning? 

Mary — Of course. And he probably slammed the 
door, 

Madge — But if he isn't a bandit — 

Mary — Who is he? (Pauses.) Well, that's just 
what we're going to find out. 

(Curtain falls upon Mary and Margery dramaticalhj 
guarding the prisoner, Madge and May bolting the doo^, 
and Mrs. W. a trifle beivildered, at center.) 



(Curtain is lotvered only a few moments. When it 
rises, the morning light is trying to peep through the 
blinds and the lamp is still burning. Mrs. W. is asleep in 
the chair by the table; Margery and Mary, bolstered by 
pillows, still on guard, are lying before closet door; on 
one window seat is Madge and on the other. May. Sud- 
denly the quiet is broken for May has rolled off the seat 
and has fallen to the floor with a bang. Madge wakens 
with a shriek; Mrs. Wood starts anxiously from chair; 
Margery rises, half asleep; and Mary raises the revolver 
with a shrill ''Hands up!" 

Madge — (as she realizes the situation) Oh! It's 
just you, May, isn't it? 

May — Just me! Well, I think I've broken my back. 

Margery — (yawning) No, you haven't. (Stretch- 
ing out her arms.) Gracious, what a night! 

May — (peevishly) Stop pointing that thing at me, 
Mary. 

Mary— It isn't loaded. 

May — You don't knoiv. 

Mary — But I do know. I showed you last night that 
there wasn't a single bullet in it. 

Madge — Think of a bandit without bullets. 

Mary — Bandit — nothing ! 

May — Oh, let's talk of something besides that ban- 
dit. 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 37 

Mrs. W. — Breakfast, for example. I'll freshen up a 
bit and hurry to the kitchen. (Puts out the lamp.) Do 
raise the blinds, girls, and let in the sunshine. (Exit.) 

(Margery and Madge raise the blinds, open loindows 
and straighten the room. Mary seats herself upon the 
settee; May once more settles herself upon windoiu seat.) 

Margery — Lazy thing — get up. 

May — (aggrieved) I'm tired, and sleepy, and nerv- 
ous. I never again expect to spend such an awful night. 

Margery — (briskly) Nobody does. 

May — I wonder if he's still there. (Points to the 
closet door.) Suppose you peek, Mary. 

Mary — Not much. He might surprise me — and I 
don't care for that. 

Margery — He's a stupid bandit. 

Mary — Stupid ! I should say so. To think that he'd 
let a girl get the best of him. 

Madge — (suddenly) Girls, before we do another 
thing — even before we have breakfast — let's pledge 
Mary. (From the end of mantel she takes a tiny knot of 
pink and blue ribbon.) 

Margery — Pledge her? Well — rather! 

Mary — Oh, no, no! Not until I do something worth 
while; not until I prove myself. 

Madge — Prove yourself! Well, if you haven't proved 
yourself by this night's work, I don't know what's left 
for you. 

May — (groaning) Nothing could have been worse 
than this experience. 

Madge — (in front of fireplace) Mary, come here. 
(Speaks in stern, dictatorial tones. Mary sloivly crosses 
the room.) Kneel. (Mary kyieels.) As president of the 
Morey Athletic Club, I hereby place these ribbons upon 
you — a symbol of allegiance, awarded because of your 
great bravery — 



38 How Ma7iy Marys Have We Here? 



Margery — {ivJio, with May, is standing by) Your 
victory over the bandit — 

May — And your ability to handle that pistol. 

Madge — (as the ribbons are placed upon Mary) 
Rise, Mary Smith, pledged member of Mac. 

Mary — ias she rises and grasps the hands of the 
girls) Oh, girls — girls! It's all so wonderful, and I'm 
so happy ! 

(Timid rap at the door, folloived by a bolder one. 
Mary rushes back to her guard duty, Madge and Ma^f 
withdraic to the fireplace, but Margery hastens to unbolt 
the door.) 

Margery — Isn't it strange how brave one can be in 
daytime? {Throws back the door and there stand Hal 
and Don, very much abashed and ill at ease.) 

Hal — (grinning sheepishly) Good — good morning, 

Margery — Good morning. Won't you come in — both 
of you? (They step inside.) 

Don — I suppose you're wondering why we've come 
so early. 

Margery — Do I look surprised? I'm trying to act 
as if I think a call before breakfast is the most natural 
thing in the wolrd. 

Hal — (after a pause) Have you seen Bob? 

Margery — Bob? Why, no. Isn't he in camp with 
you? 

Hal — He was — but he isn't. 

Madge — (as she and May join Margery) That 
sounds intelligent. What are you boys after? 

Don — After Bob. 

May — But how should we know about Bob? 

Don — Because — because — why — oh, you tell 'em, 
Hal. 

Hal — I don't know just how to go about it. 

Don — (desperately) You see, Bob was pretty keen 
on knowing who was at your house party, Margery. 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 39 

Margery — That was none of Bob's business. 

Don — Well, he seemed to think it was. 

Margery — And how did he plan to find out? 

Don — By — by a sort of disguise. 

Margery — {sharply) What sort of a disguise? 

May — And how was he to get in? 

Madge — And how — 

{Mary tvaves the revolver dramatically and points 
to the closet.) 

Hal — {pointing to the gun) That's his pistol ! 

Margery — His pistol! {Furiously.) Do you mean 
to say that Bob was the bandit? 

Hal — He wasn't exactly a bandit — but — 

Madge — He dared to force himself into our midst — • 
he tried to frighten us by groaning and tapping and — 

Hal — Oh, come now, Madge. 

Don — It was only a joke — and — 

Margery— Joke ! Joke! When have house-breaking 
and highway robbery and frightening people been jokes? 
{Strides to chair and seats herself emphatically.) 

Hal — You don't understand — 

Madge — We understand enough to know that Bob's 
been breaking the law and that he deserves to be pun- 
ished. {She and May stand near Margery.) 

Mary — {still waving revolver and pointing to the 
closet) He is punished. 

Hal — {yiervously, as he moves to center) What do 
you mean? 

Don — And why do you keep pointing at that door? 

MkRY— {solemnly) He is punished. 

Hal — What's in that closet? 

Mary — It's the Chamber of Horrors ; it's worse than 
the little cubbyhole where Bluebeard hung all his wives. 

Margery — I'm sorry, boys, but — 

Hal— But, what? 



40 Hoio Many Marys Have We Here? 

Margery — I don't know just how to tell you, but I 
think you'll understand, and I'm sure you won't blame 
us. 

Don — Blame you for what? 

Margery — For shooting him. 

Don — Shooting him? 

Margery — (in surprise) What else could we do? 
.We thought he was a highway robber — we knew we were 
in danger — 

May — (with great satisfaction) And so we shot 
him. 

Hal — His pistol wasn't loaded. 

Madge — (airily) There are other pistols. 

Margery — And — (pointing to the closet) he's in 
there. The cross shows where the body was dragged. 

Don — (ivholly disorganized) You'll pay up for 
this — you'll go to jail — you'll — 

(At this point a bombardment of blows on the closet 
door; cries of "I'm not shot," and "I'm not dead," incite 
his comrades to noble action.) 

Hal — He's not shot — he's not dead ! 

Margery — That seems to be what he's telling you. 

Don — And we'll show you whether you can lock him 
in. 

(They rush to closet but Mary is ahead of them. She 
unlocks the door, throivs it back ivith a flourish and Bob 
emerges. His hair is tousled; the mask hangs around hig 
neck; the mustache has been loosened and clings only to 
one side of his lip; his face is flushed with anger. He 
confronts the demure Mary and shakes his fist.) 

Bob — How dare you lock me in — how dare you? 

(Mary begins to laugh; and each time she looks at 
Bob, she laughs the harder.) 
Mary— I — I— 
Bob — What's the matter with you? 



How Many M arys Have We Here? 41 

Mary — Oh, you look so funny I can't help it. 

{In a moment all begin to laugh and in the midst of 
the hilarity, Boh rushes furiously from the room.) 

Madge — My, but he's mad! And he deserves every 
hit of what he got. 

May — Deserves it? Rather! 

Margery — And now, boys, since Bob wasn't polite 
enough to apologize, we should like a few words from you. 

Hal — It was a rude thing to do, Margery — I see it 
now; and I'm truly sorry about it. 

Don — And so am I. And so is Bob, although at 
present, his pride is so hurt that he won't confess it. 

Margery — And while you're busy with apologies, 
you might as well own up that you were afraid we had 
captured some girl that Wac wanted. 

Hal — Well — something like that, maybe. 

Madge — Then — behold our new pledge. (Presents 
Mary with great pride.) Mary Smith. 

Hal — Mary Smith! {Dumfounded.) Mary Smith! 

Madge — Why not, I'd like to know. 

Don — But Wac has Mary Smith. 

Margery — Indeed! And how did Wac get Mary 
Smith? 

{Honk of an automobile sounds and May runs to the 
window.) 

May — Why, it's Paula — and Jean — and somebody 
else. {Waving and beckoning to them.) Come on in. 
{Don rushes out.) 

Margery — What on earth are they doing up here so 
early in the morning? 

Hal — They're spending the day at the ranch and 
took an early start. 

{Enter Paida, folloimd by Jean, Mary Second and 
Don. Paula very airily flits from one girl to the other.) 

Paula — So glad to see you all — really didn't know 



42 How Many Marys Have We He\re? 

whether to stop or not, because it is so early, but did 
want you to meet Wac's new pledge. Step forth, Mary, 
dear, and be introduced. Mary Smith, everybody. 

Madge — And we -want you to meet our new pledge. 
{With a flourish.) Mary Smith, everybody. 

Jean — But we have Mary Smith. 

Margery — And so have we. 

Don — (ivhistling) Two Mary Smiths. Can you 
beat it? 

May — Two Mary Smiths. Just like two Uncle Toms, 
two Topsies and two little Evas. My head is going 
'round and round. 

Margery — {to Mary Second, who has stepped tim- 
idly forward during the silence following the announce- 
ment of her pledging) So youWe the tennis champion? 

Mary Second — Oh, no — no — 

May — And the center on the basket ball team. 

Mary Second — I've never played basket ball. 

Madge — And the shark at all the gym stunts. 

Mary Second — Oh, I wish I were. 

Paula — Mary will be all of these things if you'll 
give her a chance. 

Madge — And so will our Mary. 

Margery — But, who's the real Mary? 

(A whistle sounds. Sam and Sidney appear at the 
ivindow.) 

Sidney — Morning, everybody! My, what a mob! 
Gathering of the clans, isn't it? 

{The Macs have ivithdraiun to the right of the stage 
and the Wacs to the left.) 

Margery— Solve the puzzle, Sam. You're the one 
who got us into it. 

Sam — {as he and Sidney climb to window seat) 
What puzzle? 

Margery — The two Mary Smiths. 



How Many Marys Have We Here? 43 

Sam — The two Mary Smiths? 

Margery — Exactly. We have one {pointing to 
Mary) and the Wacs have one. (Points to Mary Sec- 
ond.) Now, which is which? 

Sam — (flourishing a letter) Wait just a moment. 
Because Tom Tucker's sent me another letter. Now, lis- 
ten to this: (Reads.) Tell the Macs that I gave them 
the wrong dope. For the athletic whiz, named Mary 
Smith decided to go to another school. Sorry. (Aston- 
ished pause. Then a great hoivl of merriment.) 

Paula — Isn't it the funniest thing you ever heard? 

Madge — The very funniest. 

May — And isn't it comforting to know that the good 
luck fairy likes one of us just as well as she likes the 
other? 

Jean — Because each of us has drawn a Mary 
Smith. 

Paula — Well, I hate to leave at this exciting point, 
hut we must be on our way. 

Margery — (as she crosses to the lower door on the 
right) Not until everyone has a cup of coffee and 
drinks to the pledging of Mary Smith! 

(As Margery passes through the door, Sam and Sid- 
ney jump from the ivindoiv into the room and the curtain 
falls upon the general merry-making.) 

CURTAIN 



5^ 



HALLOWE'EN HILARITY HINTS 

Good Things To Keep The Ball Rolling 

A Bunch of Stunts for Hallowe*en 

A new book of doings, contributed by many wide- 
awake writers. Covers almost any kind of festival, 
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gcunes, stunts, decorations, etc. Price, 75c. 

The Fairy and the Witch 

A 1-act allegorical sketch for Hallowe'en, by A. D. 
Nelson. 1 adult, male or female, and any number of 
children. In this very picturesque little play, the 
Black Witch of Hallowe'en falls under the spell of 
the White Fairy and superstition gives way to rea- 
son. Time, about 20 minutes. Price, 25c. 

The Frolic of the Witches 

By Juanita Mae Culp. This is a clever little drill es- 
pecially adapted for Hallowe'en. Introduces flash- 
lights and brooms, and is for 11 girls. Price, 25c. 

Guess Who Song and Drill 

Something novel. Price, 25c. 

The Haunted Gate 

By £dith Wormwood. A clever play for Hallowe'en. 
The capture of the ghosts furnishes a good climax to 
the play. 3 males, 7 females. Plays from 30 to 45 
minutes. Price, 35c. 

Jimmy's Ghosts 

By Cecil J. Richmond. A sketch for children. Five 
speaking parts with chorus of w^itches. Can easily be 
given in any school room. Price, 15c 

Scarecrows A-Roamin^ 

An eccentric drill. Price, 25c. 

What To Do on Hallowe'en 

Compiled by Juanita Mae Culp. This is a really good 
collection of helpful suggestions for this occasion. 
Suggestions for decorations, menus, parties, games, 
stunts, recipes, a play or two, and other good things. 
Purchasers will find themselves relieved from worry 
and trouble concerning Hallowe'en. Price, 40c. 

Fun With Fortune Telling 

Compiled by Mrs. G. L. Henson. Here is a book that 
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Every one is interested in their "fortune" and this 
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FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Logan St. 



(i=P 



Money-Making Entertainment Novelties 
for Church, School or Lodge 



Miss Nibbs' Novelty Shop 

By Aha Becker. This is a novel and humorous en- 
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traveling salesmen, shoppers, mechanical dolls and 
mechancal maid of all work. A good little stunt where 
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The Brightville Indoor Chautauqua 

By Bessie Baker and Nellie Hanna. Here is a brand 
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parts, each part representing a day at Chautauqua. 
Gives wide scope for introduction of large cast and 
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2, Living Pictures; Part 3, Musical Entertainers; 
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Sorepaw & Fells Indoor Circus 

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As Ye Sew 

A "talking doll" missionary play by Dorothy Crich- 
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Finding the Key 

A dialog and drill for 10 or 12 girls and boys. Suit- 
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Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Losan St. 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



Clever New W 
and Recitat 

Monologs of Merit 




018 604 656 



This we believe a splendid collection for elocution- 
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Help-U Dialog and Recitation Book 

By various authors and a real help to the teacher. 
Here are some of the dialogs: "A Strike Mother Goose 
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many others. These are for all grades up to gram- 
mar. An abundance of choice recitations for all the 
grades. Price 40c. 

Merry Rhymes of Little Folks* Times 

By Margaret A. Fassitt. In this collection of choice 
little gems we present 40 short poems which are real 
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the way, they will make good reading for mothers 
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Comforting Her Patient 

By Mrs. W. M. Carruth. Tells how an "impractical" 
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helpless patient. A good number. Price 15c. 



Gossip in Slowville 



By E. Haskell. Depicts the sayings of the village gos- 
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The Spinsterhood of Mary 

A humorous number by Rhoda Barclay. Tells of 

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Mrs. Swattem Attends the Convention 

This monolog by Rhoda Barclay is an account of the 
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Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Lo0an St. 



ay 



